Aisha Tyler was visibly overwhelmed with emotion when she broke down about her impending divorce from husband Jeff Tietjens during The Talk. The TV co-host and attorney husband are splitting up after more than a decade of marriage.
AISHA TYLER BREAKS DOWN ABOUT DIVORCE
“Even though we’re separating, all I want for him is joy and fulfillment in whatever he chooses to do in his life next. And whatever I can do to help him do that, I want to do it,” Tyler, 45, said. “I don’t, not in any way, see this relationship as a failure. I was with this extraordinary person. I had this extraordinary love affair for 25 years of my life. And that is how I see it,” Tyler added. “He’s a wonderful person. He’s been my best friend for almost my entire life. I’ll always, always love him.” In 2013, Tyler revealed that the couple had struggled with infertility, but had made the decision to try to stop trying to have children. “It was better to not go through that torture,” she said during her CBS daytime talk show at that time. “I married my husband because I loved him, and I don’t feel like there’s anybody missing from our marriage, but when you think about this person that you love, and you think about what a wonderful thing it would be to bring another person like that into this world, I think that’s the hardest part about all of it.” The couple separated in 2015.
OPTIONS FOR ENDING MARRIAGE
There are three legal options for couples looking to end their marriage or domestic partnership: divorce, legal separation, and annulment.
A divorce, also known as dissolution, legally ends a marriage or domestic partnership. Following a divorce, both parties are considered single, and thus free to enter a new marriage or domestic partnership. In California, there are two grounds for divorce: irreconcilable differences and incurable insanity. Two types of divorce are available in California: Summary Dissolution and Regular Dissolution. Summary Dissolution provides an easier way to handle divorce, as it only requires a few forms. You do not have to appear before a judge eithis. Summary Dissolution is only available to those who have been married or registered domestic partners less than five years, have no children together, and have few assets and debts. If a couple does not meet the requirements for Summary Dissolution they will need to file for Regular Dissolution.
Legal separation does not end a marriage or domestic partnership and parties are not allowed to remarry or enter a new domestic partnership. This is a good option for couples looking to separate their finances and property without divorcing.
With an annulment, the court rules that the marriage or domestic partnership is not legally valid due to reasons such as the following: Incest, fraud, or physical or mental incapacity, Marriage or domestic partnership was entered into by force, One of the spouses was already married or in a domestic partnership, One of the spouses was not of legal age to enter into marriage or domestic partnership Annulments are rare, and require an appearance before a judge.
An attorney will be able to discuss all three options at length to be able to help you determine which option is the best option for you and your spouse. They will also be able to ensure that all paperwork is filed correctly. Ending a marriage can be difficult and working with a professional attorney can help to lessen the legal pain.
IF YOU CHOOSE LEGAL SEPARATION
There is a lot of “new territory” when it comes to legal separation and how to act. Whether the legal separation eventually ends in reconciliation or divorce, there are some rules of engagement you should follow. Here are some tips to consider.
LEGAL SEPARATION BEHAVIORS “TO-DO”
- Use this time to reflect on your marriage and how you are feeling regarding the process.
- Consider the emotional needs of any children that are involved.
- Remember legal separation is not the time to jump into a new relationship.
- Keep all communication open with your spouse. Try to be respectful in all forms of communication. This will mean less stress for you and any children involved.
- Set up a parenting plan that outlines regular visitation schedules. This should follow along with your child’s daily activities, such as school and any extra-curriculars.
- Follow every responsibility outlined in the legal separation agreement. This includes any child support payments or spousal support payments. Not doing so might mean court time or fines.
If you and your spouse have decided to try legal separation instead of, or prior to getting a divorce, it’s important that you work with a divorce attorney to create a legal and binding separation agreement. This agreement will offer you legal protection should your spouse violate the agreement you have come to.
CONTAINED IN THE LEGAL SEPARATION AGREEMENT
: Spousal Support -Who will be paying whom? How does this impact taxes? Benefits – Legal separation allows you to retain certain benefits gained during a marriage, such as health insurance. Home – Outline who will pay for the home mortgage, as well as the maintenance of the home, such as utilities and lawn care. You should clearly define who is able to live in the home. Joint Accounts – This includes: joint checking, savings, and credit accounts. You might also choose to freeze these accounts or close them and open separate accounts. You should make it clear who pays what account. Protection from Acquired Debt – A legal separation agreement should also outline any debt in order to shield you from being held responsible for debt acquired during the separation.
LEGAL SEPARATION NOT DIVORCE
Remember that a legal separation is not a divorce. While it gives a couple time and space to decide what the next step is, it is not the official end of a marriage. If you wish to return your legal status to “single” you will need to file for a legal divorce.
DECIDING ON DIVORCE
If you do decide to go through with divorce following your legal separation, or if you just want to skip the separation and start the divorce process, a divorce attorney will be able to walk you through the process. This process includes some of the following: spousal support, child custody, and property division. Below we discuss these three aspects, and why working with a divorce attorney can help you arrive at a smoother outcome.
Spousal support, commonly known as alimony, is for people who were legally married and provides financial assistance to them. It recognizes the contributions a partner made to the marriage and is intenced to help the partner obtain financial independence. The rules regarding spousal support differs from one state to another.
HOW MUCH IS SPOUSAL SUPPORT?
When a court hears a case for spousal support, it considers a number of issues including how long the marriage lasted, what the needs are of each spouse, the standard of living the marriage created and maintained, assets, spousal age, and many other factors that are specific to different states. Based on these various circumstances and issues, your divorce attorney can help create a case for spousal support for you.
HOW LONG IS SPOUSAL SUPPORT?
The court sets the length of time spousal support payments are made based on the review of arguments made. Payments typically last about the length of the marriage if it’s less than 10 years. In other words, if the marriage lasted six years, the length of spousal supports payments to be paid is three years. For longer marriages, the court may not set a specific time for spousal support payments. In a case such as this, your divorce attorney must proved your side for the duration. Your attorney can help you establish your case for the amount of time you’re seeking for spousal support, whether you are receiving or paying the payments. Using common law, the court will listen to all arguments and then decide on the spousal support duration.
IS SPOUSAL SUPPORT PERMANENT OR LIFETIME?
If “Lifetime” or “Permanent” spousal support has been ordered by the court, it means the support must be paid to the receiving spouse until the paying spouse dies. Sometimes it is ordered to be paid until the receiving spouse remarries, however this isn’t always the case. Sometimes the court will rule that even if the receiving spouse remarries they must still be paid spousal support. Since women are becoming a stronger element in the workforce, “permanent” or “lifetime” spousal support is being awarded less often, if at all. An appellate court has stated:
As recognized by our Supreme Court, the public policy of this state has progressed from one which entitled some women to lifelong alimony as a condition of the marital contract of support, to one that entitles eithis spouse to post-dissolution support for only so long as is necessary to become self-supporting.
When determining spousal support, the court usually requires the higher earner, whether they are the husband or the wife, to assist the lower earner in an effort to help maintain their standard of living for a specified period of time.
WORKING WITH A DIVORCE ATTORNEY
If you are facing a divorce, you should work with a divorce attorney that can take a look at your specific situation and give you advice based on it, rather than approach it with a one size fits all mindset. Your specific situation will be particular to you and your marriage and the way your life was set up during the marriage. This might mean major financial decisions regarding retirement funds, property, child support and custody, and alimony. A divorce attorney will work with you to help you decide how you want to tackle these elements of your marriage and divorce, while also providing guidance and support. They will be able to lead you through the process while keeping you from procrastination and caving into pressure. They’ll also be able to help ensure you meet all the required timelines while ensuring that you get a fair case and trial should you need to go to court. Lastly, they’ll be able to help you find the freedom and new life you are seeking – one that is entirely on your terms.
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