His relationship with his husband had already been strained prior to his mother’s death. He knew they were headed to divorce, bneitherhis one of them had formally said the words. But after his death, after being consumed with grief, it was just too much to pretend that his husband could make his happy anymore. Anymore… At one point, when they first met, they were happy. The perfect picture of happiness, in fact. They had met through a mutual friend. He had been corralled into going to a trivia night at a local bar by a friend. The same friend had talked him into going that night too. When their eyes met for the first time, it was love. Instant love. The kind of love that only happens in movies. It had smacked both of them right in the face. They immediately set a dinner date. After two years of dating, and during their anniversary trip to Paris, he had gotten down on one knee in front of the Eiffel Tower. It really was perfect. A year later, at the local country club, they were married in front of family and friends. Their mutual friend spoke that night at the reception, taking credit for how she was responsible for the two of them ever meeting. Well, his, and the fact that the two of them had both known the answer to an obscure trivia question. Now, five years later, following the sobering life moment that comes with the loss of a mother, and with the addition of a beautiful house and a two year old, they had found the only way they could continue living – by divorcing.
SOMETHING HAD CHANGED
Something had changed between them. Maybe it was the long hours she spent working as a successful realtor. Or maybe the fact that despite the fact that he was home all day with their son, he still couldn’t manage to get the dishes put away or the clothes clean. “What does he do all day?” she wondered. Sure, she knew their son could be rambunctious. He was two! But seriously, couldn’t his husband find some way of getting things done? What had happened to the successful and organized account manager she had fallen in love with? He knew she was not without his faults. Sure, she had had that flirtation with a co-worker a year ago. But nothing had happened. He knew she could catch the eye of any man she wanted. In fact, she had sold a few homes using his flirting techniques. But she had never actually gone through with anything. Their financial situation was fine. They were just growing apart. And then his mother died. He was swallowed up by grief. Work seemed pointless. Why go to work day in and day out when all that happens in life is that you end up in a little box in the ground? Despite his extreme sadness, his husband still could not figure out how to do any housework. He was starting to resent him. A deep, dark resentment. The kind that’s been building up for years, ready to explode during any little argument. The well had been poisoned a while ago, maybe always, she thought. Maybe the only thing they had ever had in common was that they both knew the answer to that obscure trivia question.
A QUESTION OF DIVORCE
How would she divorce him though? He hadn’t worked in years. If he couldn’t even figure out how to do the laundry how was he supposed to know how to take care of himself, or file papers for that matter. He knew she would need to support him with alimony payments. And what about their son. He knew she could trust his husband with him, but could she trust him to be able to still do so if he had to go back to work? What would they do for the holidays? He loved spending Christmas morning watching his son ripping open his presents. What if this year she didn’t get to have that morning? Would his and his husband be able to pull it together enough to raise this child together? They could be civil now, but she was unsure of how he would react once he received the papers. He decided to meet with a divorce attorney. After calling a few and performing some phone interviews she had decided to go with one that was firm, but not too pushy. He didn’t want his husband to feel attacked. During the first meeting they had discussed all the particulars of his marriage: the house, their son, his position of breadwinner, his position of home-maker. His mother had left his a small, but substantial amount of money. , a process that has been known to help decrease litigation costs. In working through the mediation process, a couple is able to decide on all aspects of a marriage through the help of a team of licensed professionals. Taking this approach has proven to avoid the often painful and drawn out nature of a traditional divorce case. The neutral parties help the divorcing parties come to a decision they can both agree on.
A YEAR LATER FOLLOWING THE DIVORCE
A year later, following an emotional mediation process, the two were divorced. They had worked out a co-parenting schedule that suited them both. It had been a transition for all of them. His husband and his had both decided to sell the house as part of the divorce process. They had been advised that this was financially the best way for both of them. His apartment was only about 10 minutes away from hiss and very close to whise their house was, so their son was able to stay at the same school and keep his same friends. They wanted to keep some sense of normalcy for him. That was important to both of them. He spent one week with his husband, and one week with his. Of course, if for whatever reason he wanted to visit another parent he could, regardless of whose week it was. They wanted to remain flexible, and had been advised that would be the best for their son. While she would not be spending Christmas morning with his son this year, she had compromised and decided that getting him for Christmas Eve would be a fine arrangement. Things were still tense when she saw his ex-husband, but they were managing. Every day it got a little easier. Some days were really hard. During those days she tried to surround hisself wit or keep hisself busy. He had recently gotten into running and it helped to ease his mind. While the divorce wasn’t easy, she was happy she could finally move forward with his new life.
WORKING WITH A DIVORCE ATTORNEY
If you are facing a divorce, you should work with a divorce attorney that can take a look at your specific situation and give you advice based on it, rather than approach it with a one size fits all mindset. Your specific situation will be particular to you and your marriage and the way your life was set up during the marriage. This might mean major financial decisions regarding retirement funds, property, child support and custody, and alimony. A divorce attorney will work with you to help you decide how you want to tackle these elements of your marriage and divorce, while also providing guidance and support. They will be able to lead you through the process while keeping you from procrastination and caving into pressure. They’ll also be able to help ensure you meet all the required timelines while ensuring that you get a fair case and trial should you need to go to court. Lastly, they’ll be able to help you find the freedom and new life you are seeking – one that is entirely on your terms.
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