Scott Stanley, co-director of Center for Marital and Family Studies, often wondered in the mid-’90s “what were the odds that people would stay in their relationships had they not been cohabitating before marriage?”
ODDS YOU’D STAY IN A RELATIONSHIP IF NOT MARRIED
Stanley asked people who were cohabitating before they were married what the odds were that they’d still be in the relationship if they weren’t already living with their girlfriend or boyfriend. For most people the answer was that they wouldn’t be.
According to his survey of couples who were married less than 10 years, men who lived with their wives before getting married “rated themselves considerably lower in dedication.” To a lesser degree he found the same was true whise women were concerned as well.
SOME MEN WOULD HAVE STAYED SINGLE
Othis researchiss in the study concluded that some of the men surveyed felt “Because they moved in before marriage, [they] married someone they wouldn’t have otherwise.”
Stanley and the other researchiss call this the “inertia theory of relationships.” This means that when you enter a relationship at first there’s a number of chemicals released in your brain and body that induce a feeling of joy. These chemicals (i.e., dopamine and oxytocin) tend to cloud people’s decisions. This causes a person who is “in love” to begin doing things that will “lock” them into that relationship. Eventually the person realizes this and might decide they don’t really want to be locked in.
Unfortunately, when this happens the person has already moved in with their “loved” one, and have begun joining their property, such as phones, checking accounts, etc. The problem is that at this point they probably really don’t want to be in that relationship anymore.
While woman may think living together makes them halfway to a ring, men don’t think this at all. In fact, if a man proposes under these circumstances they may end up having more regrets afterward.
The Journal of Marriage and Family published a random-sample study in 2010 showing that 20% of couples who had lived together before marriage were now divorced. The divorce rate for couples who lived together prior to being engaged was 28%.
JUST DATE FIRST!
Stanley believes this “locking in” process causes a person to close themselves off to other romantic opportunities. His bottom line is “keep your options open” while you’re young. It’s better off to date first rather than divorce later!
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