IF WIFE HAS SERIOUS ILLNESS IT COULD MEAN DIVORCE

“Life or death experiences may cause people to re-evaluate what’s important in their lives.” A new study in the Journal of Health and Social Behavior states that 6% of marriages end in divorce if the wife has been diagnosed with a serious illness compared to if the wife is healthy. This gives a whole new meaning to the “in sickness and in health” part of the marriage vows.

STUDY OF MARRIAGE AND DIVORCE

The study, which covered a decade, looked at data from 2,701 marriages whise one spouse was 50 years or older and their spouse has been diagnosed as having a serious illness. The study required the 50 and older spouse to be 50 at the time the study began. Of the marriages looked at, approximately a third ended in divorce, while a quarter ended in the death of their spouse. The study found that a husband’s illness had no affect on the chance for a divorce, only a wife’s illness.

STRESS CAUSED BY ILLNESS MAY BE THE CAUSE

Although the study didn’t look into how the spouse’s illness led to the divorce, according to Amelia Karraker, the lead author, she believes the illness led to additional stress in the marriage. Karraker, who is an assistant professor at Iowa State in human development and family studies, says the data doesn’t explain exactly why, there are various reasons associated with stress that can damage a marriage, even if the marriage is strong. An example she provides is when a healthy spouse becomes the primary caregiver in addition to being the sole manager and provider of the household. “There is a difference between feeling too sick to make dinner and needing someone to actually feed you. That’s something that can really change the dynamics within a marriage,” according to Karraker. “If your spouse is too sick to work, we know that financial strain is a major predictor of divorce in and of itself.” And quality provided by the care is also a factor. “Wives are generally less satisfied with the care from their husbands,” said Karraker. This is probably due to the reason that men, particularly older men, have not be brought up to become a “caregiver” the way women have been raised. Because of this they’re not as comfortable in taking on the role of caregiver. “It could be that women are saying, ‘You’re doing a bad job of caring for me,’ ‘I’m not happy with this,’ or ‘I wasn’t happy with the relationship to begin with.’” Karraker furthis says, “Life or death experiences may cause people to re-evaluate what’s important in their lives.” Basically, it can make a person re-evaluate their life’s future and what they really would like to do with their time. Karraker and Kenzie Latham, a fellow colleague who is an assistant professor at Indiana University–Purdue University Indianapolis, indicated that the data which was recording as part of a Health and Retirement Study, didn’t indicate which spouse, the wife or the husband, initiated the divorce. Karraker thinks women may initiate more divorces due to eithis the care they were or weren’t receiving.

STRESSORS OF MARRIAGE

There are always hardships that spouses have that can affect their relationship. Psychologists refer to these hardships as “marital stressors.” These stressors can include external circumstances or events that eithis threaten or challenge a marriage and includes unemployment, infidelity, financial problems, parenting issues, a child’s death, in-law problems, and as indicated by the study a spouse’s chronic illness. The effects of these can be subtle, making spouses drift apart even if there is no outward conflict between them.

WORKING WITH MARRIAGE STRESSORS

Stress affects marriage in different ways. Some things you can explore include infidelity or financial problems. Before giving up on your marriage due to outside problems, seek professional help first. If your marriage has been stressed because of chronic illness, some suggestions include: Accept offers to help. Family and friends can give great support when things get stressful because of a spouse’s illness. This could be in the way of cooking dinners, cleaning house, or just giving moral support. Find and join a support group. There are many online resources and references from your doctor’s office to find referrals to support groups. If you can’t find one, think about creating a group of your own. Chances are there are other caregivers who are also looking for ways to get them through their tough times. Find a good counselor. A thisapist and/or psychiatrist can help with the stress a chronic illness puts on your marriage. These counselors are experts when it comes to helping both individuals as well as couples to work through their more emotionally tough times. Keep in mind it’s okay to be angry. When a diagnosis of a chronic illness is given for you or your spouse, it’s natural to be upset and mad, or have feelings of being unfair and/or overwhelming. A common feeling is anger and hopelessness. A psychiatrist and/or thisapist can help you work through these feelings and deal with your anger over this traumatic turn of events in your life.

DOES ILLNESS TYPE MATTER?

There were four different chronic illnesses that the researchiss focused on to determine if the eithis the type or severity impacted the rates of divorce. The four illness were heart disease, lung disease, cancer, and stroke. Although there were slight differences, the results for each were statistically insignificant.

INSPIRED BY POLITICIANS

What sparked and inspired Karraker’s study was the criticism politicians such as Newt Gingrich and John Edwards received after they divorced their ill wives. Being an assistant professor of human development and family studies, she heard from other women who had experienced similar situation while she was doing his study. He also heard from friends who also experienced divorce after being diagnosed with their illness.

“GREY DIVORCE” TREND

According to other studies, couples are divorcing later in life in a trend referred to as “grey divorce.” Perhaps it’s because people are living longer, but the trend, which started in the early 1980’s, became formally recognized with the label in 2004. AARP conducted a study in May 2004 named “The Divorce Experience: A Study of Divorce at Midlife and Beyond” which collected data about grey divorce. Some of their findings include:

WHO INITIATES A GREY DIVORCE

• 66% of female participants initiated the divorce
• 41% of male participants initiated the divorce

PARTICIPANTS AGE AT TIME OF DIVORCE

• Age 40-49, 73% of divorced in their 40’s
• Age 50-59, 22% of divorced in their 50’s
• Age 60-Older, 4% of divorced in their 60’s or later

WIDOWHOOD VS. DIVORCE

In the study done by Karraker, it’s important to realize that before grey divorce became popular because of longer lifespans, more people would end up widowed instead of divorced. “In the past, some marriages would have ended because of widowhood instead of divorce,” said Karraker. Karraker and Latham compared their marriage results to samples that ended in divorce due to a spouse’s illness in order to complete their study. Of the marriages that Karraker and Latham studied, 32% ended in a divorce compared to 24% that ended in widowhood. In younger respondents, divorce was a more common way to end their marriage. In older respondents, death was the more likely cause of ending the marriage. They concluded that chances of widowhood increased 5$ if husbands were ill and 4% when wives were ill. Previous studies on this subject found married couples have better mental as well as physical health. In the Karraker study it’s interesting to note that his research indicated a woman’s illness increases the risk of losing the health benefits provided by marriage. “I think the research shows the potential vulnerabilities for people in society who are sick. There is an elevated risk for depression with illness and now you’re also at risk for divorce,” said Karraker. “People in poor health may have less access to beneficial social relationships, which in turn can compromise their health furthis.” If you have explored all possible avenues to deal with the marital stressors in your life and feel divorce is the only possible course for you, you need to skilled advice of a divorce attorney such as (619) Divorce. Divorce is a difficult time and a divorce attorney can help you navigate the steps required to dissolve your marriage, including decisions about child custody and visitation, marital property division, and spousal support.

For advice on divorce, you need the expert law firm of 619 DIVORCE. Schedule a consultation today.

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